Whether you’re an expert conversationalist or just getting started in talking to kids, the points below are important to keep in mind. These tips go for everyone—parents, teachers, program staff, faith community leaders—and apply to conversations everywhere.
Listen First
- Focus on talking with kids, not talking to them. Because adults spend much of their time talking to, we sometimes have to stop ourselves and listen first.
- Ask open-ended questions. Give a little silence that opens the space for young people to find their own voices.
Create a Feeling of Safety
- In order for many people to talk about their dreams and passions, they need to feel safe. That may mean knowing they won’t be made fun of or put down. It may mean talking while walking or driving, so they don’t have to make eye contact. It may mean talking after spending quite a bit of time together doing other kinds of activities and getting to know each other well.
- Practice making it safe for young people to talk with you. Keep their confidences if they ask you to (unless, of course, it entails harm to them or others). Respond with respect, interest, and positive ideas. Try having talks in different kinds of situations and see which situations seem to feel safest to the young person you want to talk with.
Allow for Individuality
Keep in mind these factors that affect a young person’s personality:
- Age Remember that young people have different abilities at different ages. The youngest children may well reveal that they have passions and talents, but be unable to focus on them for very long. And the difference in planning, decision making, and problem solving between a 13-year-old and a 16-year-old can be huge. Have high expectations for kids of any age, but make sure they are age-appropriate.
- Temperament and personality Is the girl or boy you’re working with outgoing or shy? Talkative or reserved? The kind of person who laughs out loud or who chuckles quietly? Does he or she shake off disappointments or take them to heart? Does he or she prefer things to move in logical, predictable directions, or to just jump in and see what happens? A performer or a behind-the-scenes person? The answers to these questions may inform how you approach talking with a particular child. Some kids are very enthusiastic, and need help with planning and taking the proper steps. Other kids need encouragement to take action. Pay attention to the child’s personality and his or her specific needs.
- Stages of development Several aspects of a young person’s development, including cognitive, physical, emotional, and others, need to be accessed for a young person to thrive. Yet few, if any, people develop at the same rate in all aspects. Part of your responsibility as a spark supporter may be to notice a young person’s strengths and challenges, and look for ways to help her or him raise the levels of any developmental areas that need it.
Affirm Different Pathways to Thriving
- Some people seem to know what their spark is from the time they are very young. Others discover their passion during elementary, middle, or high school. Many really “find themselves” in the exciting intellectual atmosphere of higher education.
- Others seem to continue searching, even give up searching for awhile, then later in life suddenly emerge as a writer or an artist or a teacher. In fact, the existence of the common term “late bloomer” testifies to the relative commonness of the latter experience.
- Finding your spark can take a number of pathways, so it’s important to not try to force a particular trajectory on any particular young person. Instead, do your best to discover the young person’s natural pace and rhythm. Sometimes he or she may need to time to think about the possibilities, or a nudge to start looking for new ones.
