Search Institute: Archives

By Eugene C. Roehlkepartain (From March 1992, RespecTeen newsletter)

Why Teens Need Adult Relationships

Respect Young People

Give Support and Advice

Build One-to-One Relationships

A Network of Care

Selected Resources

What Congregations Can Do

What Branches Can Do

Do you remember high school? The struggles of growing up? The changes? The challenges? The opportunities? The questions? The decisions? Do you remember the people you turned to for support, inspiration, and guidance? It might have been a close friend. But, more likely, it was a parent or another adult-maybe an aunt or uncle, a teacher, a coach, a youth leader, or a neighbor.

Despite conventional wisdom, most teenagers want and need adults in their lives. And though they may be embarrassed to hug Dad in front of their friends, most young people long for supportive relationships with adults. A study of 5,000 fourth through 12th graders sponsored by the Girl Scouts found, not surprisingly, that young people are most likely to turn to their parents for advice. Next came relatives and adults with whom young people have regular contact.

Search Institute research supports this finding, noting that young people most often turn to adults when facing major life choices (though they likely ask their peers about day-to-day concerns such as fashions, appearance, and dating). Furthermore, as young people mature, non-related adults become more significant sources of support, guidance, and modelling.

Unfortunately, though, many teenagers don't have access to caring adults. In the RespecTeen-sponsored study, The Troubled Journey: A Portrait of 6th-12th Grade Youth, Search Institute found that only 49 percent of young people have non-parent adults they can turn to for advice and support. Furthermore, just 42 percent of kids say they have frequent, in-depth conversations with non-parent adults.

These realities raise significant concerns. In fact, Peter C. Scales, deputy director for the Center for Early Adolescence in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, suggests that the number one issue facing youth in the '90s is: "How can we ensure that young adolescents establish reliable and caring attachments, particularly with adults?"

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Why Teens Need Adult Relationships

Building these relationships is vital for society and for kids. As a society, we face increasing intergenerational tensions as a growing senior citizen population demands more resources and attention. Unless generations work together, we face the possibility of an intergenerational crisis in the next 20 to 30 years.

Furthermore, relations with adults have many positive benefits for teenagers themselves:

Youth who have access to and conversation with caring adults are less likely to engage in at-risk behaviors. Many young people turn to adults for advice about sexuality or drugs, and adults can have a significant impact in these areas. Furthermore, teenagers who have good relationships with adults also are more likely to serve others.
According to a 30-year study of children in Kauai, the people most likely to grow up successfully despite deprived, abusive, or chaotic home lives were those who had a multi-generational network of family and friends when they were teenagers. Similarly, youth in poverty are much more likely to have positive futures if they have an established relationship with a caring adult.
Adult relationships help kids feel like "I matter" and that they can make a difference. Edwyn Claude, now 20, was paired with a senior citizen through an intergenerational program. He still considers Maryon Freidfelder his mentor. "She taught me nothing is impossible," he told USA Today. "The country makes retired people feel like they have nothing to offer. But by working with us, they feel younger, and we feel more confident."
Young people who have challenging adults in their lives tend to perform better in school and have stronger reasoning abilities. This research finding speaks to the power of tutoring programs in which professionals and other adults work with at-risk young people to cultivate learning skills and motivation.

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What Difference Do Caring Adults Make?

Caring adults bring with them a set of other positive influences on teenagers. A comparison of results from the RespecTeen-sponsored study, The Troubled Journey, shows that 6th-12th graders who have access to caring adults are more likely to have a greater number of "external assets"-positive influences-than young people who don't. The following chart shows some of the most significant differences.

Communities and youth-serving organizations-not just parents-have a responsibility to equip our children for success. What can concerned adults do to help build a support network for teenagers? Here are some starting points.

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Respect Young People

A poll of Minnesota youth found that most teenagers think adults have a negative view of them. Though troubling, this result isn't surprising. Adolescents are the brunt of cartoons, comedy routines, and adults' complaints. Parenting book titles suggest that the teenage years are something to "survive" as parents. Adults make comments ("You're just going through a phase") that trivialize young people's concerns, feelings, and perspectives.

Too often, these negative images become self-fulfilling. When teenagers don't think a parent or other adult respects them, they won't turn to that adult for support or guidance. A report from the William T. Grant Foundation Commission on Work, Family and Citizenship reports: "Young people . . . tend not to seek out adults whom they perceive to be highly judgmental or adults whom they believe will not respect their confidences."

Showing respect involves changes in attitudes and behaviors. Youth experts Stephen A. Small and Patricia M. Day of the University of Wisconsin-Extension suggest that adults need to:

Begin taking teenagers seriously by becoming more understanding and accepting.
Treat youth the way they expect to be treated themselves. This can involve simple things such as asking for-and listening to-opinions, and extending basic courtesies to young people by asking with "please," instead of giving ultimatums.
Recognize and acknowledge teens' abilities and efforts. "Help teenagers learn to believe in themselves by recognizing that effort and progress are often as valuable as awards and winning."

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Give Support and Advice

Phill Carlos Archbold is a youth worker in one of the toughest neighborhoods in the country: Brooklyn, New York. Most kids drop out of high school, and drugs are more common than newspapers. But the kids in Archbold's group are different. Most graduate from high school, and many continue education beyond high school.

Much of this difference can be attributed to Archbold's constant accessibility, support, and caring. Teenagers know they can call-or visit-Archbold any time, day or night. When parents wanted their son to quit school to earn money, Archbold bought school supplies and paid the bus fare to get to school. Teens whose families never eat a meal together are often guests at Archbold's table. And, when he can, Archbold gets tickets to take kids to a Broadway show or other cultural events to expand their perspectives and interests.

This kind of unwavering support means young people regularly turn to Archbold for advice about whether to join a gang, how to resist pressure to use drugs or have sex, or what they can do about rough family situations. "Every time the phone rings or the doorbell rings, that person has a problem," Archbold says. " For me, it may not be important; for that person it's most important."

Most communities don't face the same depth of problems as Brooklyn, and most individuals don't have Archbold's commitment. However, he models many important principles in giving young people care. He makes himself available. He takes teens' concerns seriously. He accepts kids even when he doesn't like what they do.

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Build One-to-One Relationships

Recent years have seen a surge of interest in mentoring. Though it's defined in different ways, it most often involves structured relationships between two people-in this case, one teenager and one adult. The adult serves as a teacher, challenger, and role model. While the benefits of these structured programs haven't been clearly established in scientific research, they do suggest the positive benefit of teenagers having quality, one-to-one relationships with caring adults.

Milestones in Mentoring-- a training program for adult mentors developed by the National Media Outreach Center in Pittsburgh and the Buddy System in Minneapolis-gives a series of tips for forming a positive mentoring relationship. They include:

Take time to learn about the teenager's lifestyle and culture.
Confront inappropriate behavior directly, but with care and concern.
Be yourself. Kids will trust you more.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there.
Don't ask your protege questions that you wouldn't like to answer.
Don't expect to "rescue" kids; set healthy limits on your involvement and make them clear to the teenager to avoid feeling angry and taken advantage of.
Seek to be a positive role model with integrity.

There are limits to the possible impact of structured one-to-one relationships. The nation's most extensive program at matching youth with adults, the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program illustrates the problem. The program matches about 60,000 adults and youth, but it has a waiting list of 40,000 youth, according to an evaluation by Public/Private Ventures.

However, there's no reason why concerned adults in community groups, neighborhoods, churches, and businesses can't use some of the same principles to develop positive relationships with young people. Promoting these relationships could have a significant impact on a community.

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A Network of Care

This article began by asking about your own experiences as a teenager. A study of business executives found that those who themselves had mentors are more likely to become mentors for the next generation.

Suppose, then, that Lutheran Brotherhood branches, congregations, schools, and other community organizations across the country made intentional efforts to build a broad network of youth-adult relationships. Then suppose the young people who experienced these caring adults grew up to become mentors for the next generation. Such efforts could build an important network of care that would support teenagers through the tough times and remind them that they make an important difference in their world.

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Selected Resources

Peter L. Benson, David J. Mangen, and Dorothy L. Williams, Adults Who Influence Youth: Perspectives From 5th-12th Grade Students (Minneapolis, MN: Search Institute, 1986).

The Forgotten Half: Pathways to Success for America's Youth and Young Families (Washington, DC: Youth and America's Future: The William T. Grant Commission on Work, Family and Citizenship, 1988).

Patricia Flakus Mosqueda and Robert Palaich, Mentoring Young People Makes a Difference (Denver, CO: Education Commission of the States, 1990).

Rebecca Saito, Milestones in Mentoring: A Training Program Series for Volunteer Mentors (Pittsburgh, PA: PLUS, n.d.).

Peter C. Scales, A Portrait of Young Adolescents in the 1990s: Implications for Promoting Healthy Growth and Development (Carrboro, NC: Center for Early Adolescence, 1991).

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What Congregations Can Do

Churches are ideal settings for intergenerational contact. In fact, they are one of the few places where people of all ages can regularly interact together. However, many churches segregate ages in their programs so that youth group members never have contact with anyone outside the group. Here are things churches can do to build bridges:

Have intergenerational programs. These might include special classes or workshops, or even an on-going intergenerational Sunday school class. These experiences can become a foundation for adults becoming significant supporters of teenagers.
Highlight the experiences and needs of young people in sermons and other public settings to help adults stay aware of needs and issues.
Offer classes and workshops that help adults learn listening and other skills so they'll be more comfortable with teenagers.
Include young people in visible leadership positions in the church. They'll not only contribute to the church's ministry, but they'll have more opportunities to interact with adults.
Sponsor mentor programs that pair an adult in the congregation with a teenager who's interested in a particular field. Or have adults offer tutoring and support to young people who particularly need it.

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What Branches Can Do

After reviewing literature on adults' influence on youth, Search Institute developed the following recommendations of how youth-serving organizations can support positive adult-youth interaction. These provide starting points for branches to get involved.

Tell adults that youth want their support. Because many adults wrongly assume that youth don't want contact with adults, the first step is "to set the record straight. " This can be done through workshops, newsletters, presentations, and any other setting where adults talk about kids.
Increase adults' availability to youth. While some young people have a broad support network, others don't. Branches can play a role in creating that network by encouraging members to become partners with youth through local programs. These might include Big Brothers/Big Sisters or the United Way. One to One Partnership (2801 M St., N.W., Washington, DC 20007) offers guidelines, resources, and other information on establishing or connecting with mentoring programs.
Help adults announce their desire to help. Young people won't seek support from adults they don't trust. Thus adults need help in announcing their "credentials"-that they'll keep confidence, that they won't be judgmental, that seeking help isn't an imposition.
Train adults in support-giving skills. Adults who are uncomfortable talking about sensitive topics need training in communication and listening skills. They also need information about the sensitive topics such as drug use, sexual activity, etc.
Train youth in support-seeking skills. Many young people don't have skill or experience in talking with adults or with asking adults for help. Through role plays and other learning experiences, kids can learn socialization skills to give them the courage to ask for help.

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